It’s about that time again. Every once in a while, I crack open either Metroid: Fusion or Metroid: Zero Mission on my Nintendo DS, and get a-playing. And every time I do so, I get a renewed appreciation for how cool Samus Aran is. Samus will be trying her luck this time against one of the few characters who can eclipse her cool factor, the Incredible Hulk. Between the Hulk’s excellent ongoing series, currently written by Greg Pak, and the video game Ultimate Destruction, I never have to be reintroduced to how cool he is. Samus, however, will be introduced to the Hulk’s fists soon enough.
Archive for Samus Aran
The iconic DC Comics superheroine, Wonder Woman is a lot like Superman, except that as one of the legendary Greek amazons, she has no compunctions about flipping out and killing people if necessary. She’s also way more into bondage than her cape-wearing male counterpart. Samus Aran is somebody who I’ve used before, but her original fight with Iron Man somehow fell of the page months ago and has never returned. It’s a pair of warrior women going at it. I’ll try to bite my tongue and avoid lesbian mud-fighting jokes, but no promises.
Let’s see…everyone should know Samus Aran by now. If you don’t go play Metroid Prime until your eyes bleed. Or check out some of the previous fights in this section. And buy my book. Don’t you dare forget to buy my book. Facing off against Samus is Optimus Prime, the leader of the Autobots who trashed the Big O. Optimus Prime has bought my book; have you?
Okay, okay. I promise that that’s the last shameless solicitation for Shadowslayers (available on Amazon kindle for only $1 – buy your copy today!) that I’ll do during this fight…maybe.
Samus Aran is the space faring bounty hunter extraordinaire. Having beaten both versions of Iron Man, she has worked her way up to champion for now. Challenging her is Commando Cody, one of the prototypical Rocketeer-style heroes made famous by pulp serials in the 1950s. He’s got a jetpack. And a gun. And…that’s about it.
Iron Man is enjoying quite the run on this page, having defeated five people and posting zero losses. He’ll be facing off against Samus Aran, who defeated Iron Man’s Marvel Comics counterpart before falling to Bruce Campbell in the Biggest Damned Fight Ever. We won’t fault her for the loss, though, as ninety-eight others also lost. Many people point to Ms. Pac-Man as a strong female protagonist in early video game history, but Samus is the real deal. She’s what every modern woman really wants to be: attractive, athletic, and capable of killing alien space pirates with freeze missiles launched from a suit of power armor.
This battle features two very cool individual in power armor suits. Iron Man has been around since 1963 or thereabouts. His secret identity is Tony Stark, billionaire playboy and recovered alcoholic. He has previously fought and lost against Black Sabbath’s Iron Man, but we won’t hold that against him. I will, however, hold against him one quote from his animated TV series: “Stilt-Man, looks like you don’t have a leg to stand on!” Ugh. Samus is the heroine from the wonderful Metroid video game series. Although she’s rarely shown outside of her armor, I’ve gotta say that she’s one of the most attractive fictional women out there…I just can’t say no to a lady in a powered armor suit who fights space pirates. It’s one of my weaknesses. Continue reading