Following their victory against the Tasmanian Devil, Calvin and Hobbes are declaring themselves the greatest adventurers of all time. While that may be the case, there are more than a few people who take some issue with that. Indiana Jones gets the first crack at the new champions through the right of seniority. He suits up with his bull whip and gun, and heads after Calvin and Hobbes to put them in their place. Incidentally, Hobbes is back to being an ordinary tiger; Calvin transmogrified him from the giant robot he became last fight.
Archive for Indiana Jones
Indiana Jones is the reigning champion on this site and is beginning to develop quite the unbeaten streak. He will be trying to defend his nonsensical championship against Iron Man, who was made immortal by Black Sabbath’s song of the same name. No, I’m not talking about Tony Stark; the real deal showed the world who was the true Iron Man back in the Iron Man versus Iron Man fight. The cyborg from the future also has a bit of an unbeaten streak to defend, although this is his first appearance in the Contest of Champions.
Indiana Jones, archaeologist extraordinaire, action hero, and womanizer supreme, is the current champion of this section. He will be facing off against Spawn, who has a bunch of weird hellspawn powers and is most definitely a jerk. Spawn made his claim to fame on this site by horribly disemboweling Shirley Temple, and has been used sparingly since then. Now he has a shot to become overused, just like every other champion in this section.
Godzilla is the site’s reigning champion. A massive nuclear-powered dinosaur, he serves largely as a punishment to mankind for its experiments with atomic weaponry. On occasion, he also beats up aliens and other irradiated dinosaurs. Where monsters and armies have fallen before Godzilla’s might, a single man hopes to prevail. His name is Indiana Jones, and he is an archaeologist. Of course, he doesn’t so much study ancient cultures as he steals treasures so that the Nazis don’t get to it first. Regardless, for this fight he is humanity’s last hope. (Unless he loses, in which case someone else will face Godzilla next week.)
Indiana Jones is a classic action hero who has done everything from fighting Nazis to recovering the Holy Grail. I doubt that my friends Julie and Mandy are reading this, but all I can say is: best archeologist ever. Lara Croft is the heroine of the Tomb Raider video games and movies. She’s basically a pair of tits slapped onto a polygon body. Interesting side note: despite being primarily a movie hero, Indy has beaten Lara in quantity, if not quality, of video games in addition to his success in motion pictures.