By my count, this is the tenth time the Incredible Hulk has appeared in this section. If he manages to win this battle, he will have won seven fights, which will tie the number of wins Bruce Campbell had before retiring (minus the Biggest Damned Fight Ever). And, while the Hulk isn’t undefeated like Bruce Campbell was, maybe it’s time for old Greenskin to pack it in – even he gets sick of smashing once in a while. And who am I to begrudge the green guy a peaceful retirement? To make it there, though, he has to deal with one more contender: the very first person that beat him, Darth Vader. Vader himself has appeared on this page a number of times, and will be looking to regain the championship after having it stripped from him by Christopher Walken.
Archive for Darth Vader
This fight came as a result of two things. First, I saw the trailer to the third and thankfully final Star Wars prequel. It didn’t make me want to watch the movie, but it had some neat-looking action scenes in it. Secondly, I read the comic book mini-series Green Lantern: Rebirth, which reminded why the Green Lantern is so damned cool, despite my rantings about old episodes of Superfriends over in the Comic Book Rants section. And these two groups have a lot in common. They are both powerful groups that preserve order in the universe, though the Jedi are more like lawmakers while the Lanterns are more like cops. They both use their willpower to draw upon some powerful cosmic voodoo; the Jedi use the Force to work their magic while the Lanterns use their power rings to create anything imaginable. Weird-looking aliens form large portions of their ranks, though I don’t remember any Jedi that resemble talking squirrels. And, of course, they are both run by really old, decrepid, and weird-looking aliens: the Jedi have Yoda, and the Lanterns have the Guardians of the Universe. Now these two forces of good are fighting in a gigantic galactic arena to determine which group is best suited to defend the universe. Or, more accurately, because I thought it would be cool.
Two of the most ominous people in the universe face off against one another in this battle. In one corner we have this section’s reigning champion Darth Vader, a man-machine of seemingly unstoppable power. His foe will be a man so scary that I’ve balked at every opportunity up to bring him back since his brutal defeat of Daredevil. I love his acting and he’s a fine dancer, but I’m afraid to say his name three times in a row lest I summon him up from some other Hellish dimension.
This battle marks one of the few times that we have two people who have already battled in their cinematic lives: Darth Vader and the Emperor Palpatine. Vader is the reigning champion on the page, and Palpatine bested Frieza in a previous fight. Everyone knows the outcome of their last battle, however, so I don’t know why I really decided to have them face off again…
Of all the people that showed up to battle Shaft in the Shaft Takes on all Comers battle some time ago, the one person who seemed like a lock to show up was Darth Vader. But apparently Vader was spending too much time being anally raped by George Lucas’ bastard children of cinema that have come to be known as the Star Wars prequels. Luckily, the two blackest people in the galaxy are finally facing off against one another in what will surely be a battle to remember. (Or, if I screw up like Lucas did, one that we will hopefully all forget.)
This battle features Darth Vader, one of the coolest villains of all time. Or at least he was until George Lucas took on his personal crusade to ruin a perfectly good character by making the Star Wars prequels. For this fight, I’ll just pretend those don’t exist. Anyway, Vader is defending his title as champion of this page after besting Gandalf in the last matchup. Facing off against Mr. Vader is Darph Bobo, the dark clown from Tripping the Rift, a very amusing little web movie that became a TV show. Bobo beat that aborted fetis of a Sith, Darth Maul, in his last appearance on the page.
One of the coolest bad guys ever and the main villain of Final Fantasy VII, Sephiroth has a vast array of powers, including an ability identified as the Supernova. He wields a massive sword and is one of the most fabulous villains of all time. Darth Vader killed the Incredible Hulk on this very page. Also one of the coolest villains of all time, Vader is a master of that mystical entity known as the Force.