In This Corner: Batman versus Midnighter

I'm cheering for Midnighter, myself, although both are cool.

If you don’t know Batman by now, you probably don’t have access to the Internet anyway. Facing off against the caped crusader will be Midnighter, a member of the Authority from Wildstorm Comics. Midnighter is similar to Batman in concept, although he tends not to have Batman’s rigid code. He is also a near-perfect engine of survival, possessing multiple hearts as well as a precognitive ability that allows him to see every possible result of a fight before it even begins. Midnighter and the rest of the Wildstorm Universe has been ported into DC’s main universe as of the 2011 reboot, so this is a fight that will probably happen in the comics eventually. To my knowledge, the two haven’t met yet, so I might as well get off whatever jokes I can before DC creates their official version of the story.

Round One:
Midnighter happens to arrive in Gotham City with the desire to kick some skulls in. Batman goes after him because he doesn’t jive with Midnighter taking the phrase “kick some skulls in” literally. The two find a quiet rooftop to face off. This is more difficult than it sounds, since the superhero population of the DC Universe all meet on rooftops, meaning that at time they’re more crowded than the actual streets. After several hours of searching, they finally find one. However, before the fight can begin, a bomb goes off next to Batman. Midnighter had prepped in advance in hopes of just killing the Bat before the fight really gets going. Round One goes to Midnighter.

Round Two:
Being the master of preparation, Batman emerges from the explosion unscathed. It turns out that he had donned his special Explosion-Resistant Bat Suit just prior to the fight. The two combatants then engage in a test of martial skill, which triggers Midnighter’s key superpower: the ability to see every possible outcome before the fight even begins. Unfortunately for Midnighter, it turns out that every single outcome of the fight winds up with Batman kicking his ass. After all, the guy is one of the top three martial artists in the world. But Midnighter isn’t beaten yet. Throwing down some smoke pellets to make his escape, he leaps off the roof and makes a beeline to the nearest corner bar, putting his master plan into action… Round Two is a draw.

Round Three:
Being a master detective, Batman easily tracks Midnighter down. (Yeah, Bruce Wayne is one of the best martial artists in the world, the world’s greatest detective, and apparently has trillions of dollars stashed away and accessible at any given time…but he’s awesome because he doesn’t have superpowers, right?) At the bar, Midnighter has ordered every potent potable on the menu and is in the process of drinking as fast and furiously as he can. It takes a hell of a lot of alcohol to get him drunk due to his superhuman resiliency, but he figures that if he’s going to get his ass kicked by Batman, he might as well enjoy a good buzz while he does so. Midnighter offers Batman some booze, but the caped crusader doesn’t drink while he’s in his vigilante identity. Batman proceeds to thrash Midnighter, who only fights back long enough to get another bottle and drink it down between punches. Once he’s taken Midnighter out, Batman drops him outside the city limits of Gotham City. Why not throw him in jail or an asylum? Because leaving him completely unfettered is actually more effective than placing him in Gotham’s penal system, where it’s more likely that he’ll go crazy and go from being a badass anti-hero to a full-blown supervillain.

Midnighter awakes several hours later with some bruises and a really nasty hangover. He makes a mental note to visit Gotham more often, because getting trashed while fighting the Batman actually turns out to be a lot of fun…or at least better than any party the Authority holds. Round Three and the fight go to Batman.

One Response to “In This Corner: Batman versus Midnighter”

  1. that makes NO sense. The Midnighter would kick batmans ass and then rip out his spine.

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