David Bowie versus Vegeta

Vegeta could be this fabulous if he lowered his blood pressure some.Imagine your life is like one long acid trip, only you aren’t necessarily on any drugs. I don’t know if that’s what David Bowie’s life is like, but that’s what I always imagine it as. He is almost supernaturally odd – I don’t know if that’s just his stage persona or if he really is that weird. Vegeta is here to challenge him because everyone keeps requesting Vegeta to fight someone. I haven’t even thought about anything Dragonball Z related in years, so I’ll have to blow some dust off of my brain in order to get this one going. Either way, he beat…um…oh yeah, he beat Sean Connery a while back to land a seat in this section.

Round One:
Vegeta uses on energy blast to blow a crater in the ground that will serve as the arena for these two two square off. The battle begins with Vegeta doing his normal overconfident strutting about, dodging around David Bowie’s blows with ease and not even attempting any offense. Eventually, he lets David Bowie hit him in the face so he can do his manly bit of wiping blood off his lower lip, gloating that the first shot is free, and then incinerating his foe. However, when Vegeta starts gloating, he realizes that his voice is higher than normal and that his body in lithe and less muscular than usual. He realizes only too late what has happened: like so many people who come near the singer, he has become infected with Bowie’s androgyny. David Bowie himself would have long ago been mistaken for a woman if it wasn’t for his huge package and tight pants. Round One goes to David Bowie.

Round Two:
Stripped of his masculinity or not, Vegeta begins to power up. This is where I usually make a crack about how long it takes for a fight to begin in Dragonball Z. But I’m not going to do that this time. Instead, while Vegeta takes his sweet time to reach full power, I’m going to let David Bowie rock out and entertain us all with music and muppets:

Round Two is a draw, but an entertaining one nonetheless.

Round Three:
Vegeta finally reaches his full power and lays into David Bowie. Surprisingly, Bowie is pretty darned quick and is able to avoid even Vegeta’s lightning-fast punches. Vegeta finally manages to land a punch on Bowie, drawing a thin trail of blood from the singer’s lower lip. David Bowie only smiles and wipes the blood away, then copies Vegeta’s trick of telling him that the first hit is free. Then he’s surrounded by a familiar golden aura, his hair changes, and his eyes turn green. Apparently (i.e., I just pulled it out of my ass), David Bowie has some saiyan blood in him, and is able to achieve super saiyan power levels. His music is his way of powering up, and I for one appreciate it. It’s a lot more entertaining than fifteen minutes of grunting. Bowie and Vegeta lay ino each other in a cataclysmic battle that causes fissures to open up in the earth and destroys entire mountain ranges. At the end of the battle, Vegeta tries to whip out his final flash maneuver, but Bowie knocks the energy bolt aside with one of his own. He then punches clear through Vegeta’s torso, ending the battle decisively. Round Three and the fight go to David Bowie.


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