The Tasmanian Devil versus Calvin and Hobbes

Is that two snacks for Taz this time?Fresh off their victorious debut against John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes, the comic strip duo of Calvin and Hobbes have decided to go hunting. Their target: the elusive Tasmanian Devil. Whether they’ll succeed in their hunt or simply become Taz’s next meal remains to be seen.

Round One:
Adventurers to the core, Calvin and Hobbes have decided to hunt down and capture the most dangerous creature alive: the tasmanian devil. They take off in their multi-purpose cardboard box (which can serve as a spaceship, time machine, or transmogrifier, as needed), and soon land in Tasmania, where they begin their hunt in Ernest. Ernest is naturally none too happy to have a child and a plush tiger exploring him in search of the Tasmanian Devil, but he’s not important to this fight, so we’ll ignore him.

Bad puns aside, the duo eventually find the Tasmanian Devil. Or rather, the Tasmanian Devil finds them. He’s hunting for some new food, and hasn’t had tiger as of yet. Taz makes a bee-line straight for Hobbes, and devours him before the tiger even gets to turn around and see him. Calvin watches in horror as his best friend is torn to shreds by the brutal Tasmanian Devil. Round One goes to the Tasmanian Devil.

Round Two:
Despite being in shock from watching Hobbes get eaten alive, Calvin manages to keep his wits about him long enough to realize that he’s Taz’s next target. Grabbing the few scraps of material that are left of Hobbes, he sprints toward the cardboard box, narrowly beating Taz there. But Calvin isn’t about to retreat. Instead, he flips the box onto its side, turning it into a transmogrifier. He then loads Hobbes’ remains into the transmogrifier, and sets the dial to “Pure Awesome.” Taz arrives just as Hobbes emerges from the box. Now he’s bigger, stronger, and better than before. To be specific, he’s a forty-foot tall cybertiger with titanium armor, laser vision, and built-in rockets. Taz falls back to what he knows, and tries to eat the giant cybernetic tiger. His fangs aren’t enough to puncture Hobbes’ new titanium body, though, and Taz just ends up getting fried by Hobbes’ laser eyes. Round Two goes to Calvin and Hobbes.

Round Three:
Things might look bad for the Tasmanian Devil, but he’s a Looney Toons character. That means he just won’t die, even when a giant titanium tiger melts him with laser eyes and a demonic child spits on his ashes. Charred and injured but not beaten, Taz races for the transmogrifier. He flips it over, turning it into a time machine, and jumps inside, planning on traveling back in time by about five minutes so he can prevent Hobbes from becoming the cybernetic god of hellfire that he now is. Calvin is one step ahead of Taz, though. While the Tasmanian Devil is waiting for the time machine to kick in, Calvin pulls out a marker and writes something new on the side of the box:

Cryogenic Chamber

Just like that, the box powered by Calvin’s imagination goes from being a time machine to a cryogenic prison for the Tasmanian Devil. Taz is flash frozen, and Calvin and Hobbes deliver the monster on ice to their local zoo. Just before leaving, Calvin kicks Taz in the groin…just for good measure. After all, even though Hobbes is now a tiger-bot doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt to see him get torn to shreds in the first place. Round Three and the fight go to Calvin and Hobbes.

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