Zombie Godzilla versus Zombie Superman

When in doubt, turn everyone into zombies.This fight is a follow-up to two previous bouts. Godzilla met his demise at the tip of the legendary blade Carvin’ Marvin in his rematch fight against the Knights of the Dinner Table. Superman has been this section’s resident loser for some time. He’s been beaten in every single match he’s been through, most recently dying during the Biggest Damned Fight Ever. Now they’re both back as zombies, hoping they have better luck as undead creatures than they did during life.

Round One:
Zombie Godzilla goes shuffling through Tokyo, causing general panic as usual. Fortunately for the Japanese, a zombie moves even slower than the rubber suit Godzilla of old, and so they have no problem evacuating the city. Still, they need a hero.

Enter Zombie Superman. Although he is now a member of the mindless undead, he still has super speed thanks to the solar radiation of Earth’s yellow sun. Zombie Godzilla sees a red and blue blur coming toward him, but doesn’t react in time to avoid getting knocked through a skyscraper. Zombie Superman tries to give a smile and pump his fists at the small victory, but his lower jaw falls off. He needs that jaw, because without it, he can’t eat people’s sweet, delicious brains. While he’s searching the broken streets of Tokyo for his rotting Kryptonian flesh, Zombie Godzilla gets up and bathes him in nuclear fire. Zombie Superman rolls his eyes and gives a “here we go again” expression. Even in undeath, he’s become used to the regular beat-downs he gets on this fights page. Round One goes to Zombie Godzilla.

Round Two:
Much to Zombie Godzilla’s surprise, Zombie Supes is still standing after being blasted by Godzilla’s radiation. Godzilla swipes at Supes with his tail, but the Zombie Superman still mvoes fast enough to roll with the blow, taking only a glancing shot from the gigantic lizard. Much to his surprise, though, that minor blow is enough to make him bleed. As it turns out, Godzilla’s radioactive breath is similar to the radiation from the red sun of Krypton. While it doesn’t strip Superman of his powers entirely, it does lower his durability. He can still juggle planets, but now he can also stub his toe getting out of bed. Whatever part of Superman’s mind is left realizes this, and he goes on an all-out offensive. He bombards Godzilla with heat vision and super-fast punches. The punches keep the zombie lizard off balance, but it’s the heat vision that does the real trick. One of the traditional ways to kill a zombie is through fire, and Supes’ heat vision burns Zombie Godzilla back into true death. The Zombie Godzilla falls, and does not get back up. Round Two goes to Zombie Superman.

Beth hates zombies.

Beth hates zombies.

Round Three:
When Godzilla stays down, Superman experiences a feeling of surprise that can even stun a zombie. In undeath, he accomplished something he never managed to do in life: he defeated a foe in this section. His shock is so great that he forgets that each fight has three rounds to it. He also forgets to look behind him, where my friend Beth is creeping up on him.

Beth is a mohawk sporting, shotgun toting, kilt wearing huntress. Wherever she goes, she’s within arm’s reach of a shotgun. And she hates zombies. She might not be on Bruce Campbell’s level of proficiency in zombie killing, but she’s right up there as a runner up. She takes advantage of Zombie Superman’s decreased durability by blasting him with a shotgun shell to the back of the brainpan. Then she sets Zombie Supes on fire, killing him. Zombie Superman’s last thoughts are tormented visions as his dream of actually winning a fight literally goes up in flames. Round Three and the fight go to Beth.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: