Mario and Luigi versus Princess Daisy and Princess Peach

An all-Mario World battle.Following the Daisy versus Peach fight, Princess Daisy of Sarasaland and Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom developed certain relations that were not entirely of the diplomatic kind. Mario, angered at the fact that his two mistresses have left for each other to pursue a lesbian relationship, has recruited his brother Luigi to put the women in their place. Mario continues to be the chauvanistic bastard that he is, and Luigi is his meek sidekick. Peach and Daisy are now walking around with a huge target of their backs.

Round One:
To begin the battle, Mario takes on Peach. He goes right up to her and tries to put her in her place by stomping on her head, but Peach blocks the attack with her talking umbrella Perry. Mario decides right off that that shit’s gotta go. He grabs Perry, snatching him away from peach, and snaps the umbrella over his knee. This enrages Peach, who lets her emotions get out of control a la Super Princess Peach. She bursts into a fiery rage…literally…as in she’s on fire. That…that can’t be good for you, I think. Once Peach realizes that she is in fact burning herself to a cinder, her rage becomes a panic, and she runs for the nearest lake, abandoning Daisy and taking herself out of the fight for a while. Round One goes to Mario and Luigi.

Round Two:
While Mario is dealing with peach, it’s Luigi’s job to take on Daisy. Unfortunately for Luigi, he has neither the bravery nor the abusive streak that his brother has. What he does have is a spiffy green outfit and the ability to jump really high by kicking his legs around. What Daisy has is an anti-aircraft gun. Don’t ask me how she got it, but I assume that a princess doesn’t survive being abducted by an alien without spending a good portion of her country’s military budget on weaponry designed to prevent it from happening again. Well, maybe she does if she’s Peach. Daisy, on the other hand, has come prepared. Luigi goes way, way up to jump on Daisy’s head with all the force he can muster. What comes down are a pair of smoking boots that were once inhabited by a certain green-clad plumber. Said green-clad plumber is traveling by air across the stratosphere…in several dozen pieces, courtesy of the Sarasaland military. Round Two goes to Peach and Daisy.

Round Three:
Daisy might have had an easy time with Luigi, but Mario is a whole other story. Unlike his green-clad brother, Mario has a lot more going for him than jumping ability, thanks to the fact that he’s basically been a solo star since the dawn of the 3D platformer. His array of ground stomps, spin attacks, and other attacks sends Daisy running for the hills. There’s no military technology that can deal with an enraged Super Mario. With Mario hot on her heels, Daisy goes to the one person who can help her: Peach. By this time, Peach has literally burned herself out, and is recovering by a lake. Daisy runs up to her, and immediately has a weapon. It’s not the goofy magic umbrella or anything of the sort – it’s Peach herself. Daisy picks up the blonde princess and uses her as a sledgehammer against Mario. Shocked by this move, Mario discovers that he has no immediate defense. He does, however, appreciate the irony that Peach is the one beating the crap out of him for a change — even though someone else happens to be wielding Peach as a weapon. Mario goes down, and Peach suffers from a series of severe concussions. But at least she made it through the fight without getting kidnapped. Round Three and the fight go to Peach and Daisy.

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