Tommy Vercetti versus Max Payne
Two of the meanest men in video games meet up in this battle. Tommy Vercetti is the main character of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. He has the advantages of being voiced by Ray Liotta, being a badass, and being in one of the best-selling video game series ever. Battling against him is Max Payne, armed with his gritty film-noir attitude and bullet time shooting.
It was happening again. Every few months now I found myself drawn into a mindless firefight with some other video game character. The same old clichés, illogical situations, and bad jokes kept turning up. This time, I had had it. This time, I was going to make somebody pay.
Max Payne begins his vengeful rampage in the streets of Vice City, taking aim at the area’s biggest crime boss, Tommy Vercetti. Never one to walk away from a fight, Tommy meets Max head on, and the two get into a firefight outside of Tommy’s hideout. Max gains the upper hand initially by making use of his acrobatics and bullet time, which allows him to dodge bullets more effectively than simple strafing can do. But Tommy isn’t out of it yet, as he makes use of Vice City’s crouch feature to duck behind an armored van, popping out to fire his uzi at Max. Tommy tries to break the resulting stalemate by hopping into the van and driving it straight toward Max, trying to turn Payne into an ugly red smear on the pavement.
Ah, but Tommy has forgotten about the ever-dangerous bug…
The van bears down on Max, and even he can’t get out of the way quickly enough. But, just as Tommy is about to claim victory, the van lurches forward and comes to a sudden stop. Tommy floors it, but still nothing happens. Then he looks out the front window to see that the van has actually sunk into the pavement, a result of an unchecked clipping error. With Tommy distracted, Max blows away the gangster at close range. Round One goes to Max Payne.
Tommy respawns at the hospital. As death has no consequence for him, he is more pissed off than anything else, and he heads out to seek vengeance on Max Payne. He steals a cop car and runs over its owner, ignoring the attention the police are paying him; getting arrested likewise has no consequences for Tommy. In fact, he continues his rampage, running over people, firing an uzi out the window, and even occasionally stepping out of the car to fire a rocket launcher at the odd police helicopter. Naturally, all of this chaos eventually draws the attention of the police force’s best and brightest, not to mention the one grizzled burned-out cop that Tommy is after. Max steps out into the streets and gets one look at the chaos when Tommy goes over a jump with the car and bails out at the peak. Tommy hits the pavement hard, but not nearly as hard as the flyingpolice car hits Max Payne. The car lands on its roof and stops just feet away from where Max Payne’s mangled body lies. Round Two goes to Tommy Vercetti.
The end seems to have arrived for Max Payne, but even as Tommy frantically garbs police bribes to get the heat off of him, Max’s crushed hand reaches into his jacket and pulls out a bottle of pain killers. Max downs all of them, and for some bizarre reason, they regenerate his shattered bones, lost blood, and punctured organs. Tommy looks over his shoulder to see his enemy rise from an otherwise certain death, and the gunfight continues amidst police spotlights, sirens, and explosions. For some reason, Tommy focuses on keeping covered, shooting only often enough to keep Payne from moving closer to him.
Five minutes later, Max finds out what Tommy has been pulling. The car that flipped over has burst into flame. Max turns his head and cocks an eyebrow at the vehicle’s bizarre combustion; cars don’t usually burst into flame just because they are upside down. Unfortunately, Max doesn’t piece things together quickly enough, and the car explodes, catching several surrounding police officers and vehicles in a massive fireball.
Max’s body is never found in the wreckage, but Tommy is happy with the results. I mean, nobody could have survived that, especially not a dynamic character with a survival instinct, two video games, and a habit of escaping certain death… Round Three goes to Tommy Vercetti…until the sequel comes out.