It has often been stated that the pen is mightier than the sword, and now the time has come for the pen to try and demonstrate its superiority over the weapon of war. This fight uses two of the finest specimens of each instrument. In one corner there is a Pilot pen. In the other corner, we have an Italian Piedmontese infantry blade used in the 19th century Italian cavalry. Now is the time that they get to demonstrate whether or not the old maxim holds true.
The sword leaps into the fray, determined to make a few quick cuts and end the battle. However, the pen takes adavntage of its lighter plastic frame, nimbly dodging around the heavier steel sword. The pen then begins drawing enemies on the surrounding landscape in an attempt to outwit the sword. While blades are known for their deadliness, there are very few sword philosophers, and the Piedmontese is a rather old weapon and therefore falls for the tricks rather easily. It cuts through the false foes easily enough until it runs across a drawing of a plowshare scrawled across a cement wall. Sparks fly from the blade as it grates against the concrete, and in the end the sword staggers away with a few chips taken out of its metal body. Round One goes to the pen.
While the sword was distracted, the pen has taken the opportunity to conceal itself in the front jacket pocket of a local businessman on Wall Street. From there, it plans on returning home to write an epic about how it and its army of ball-point brethren triumphed over the dim-witted blade. However, the sword is not finished, and proceeds to decapitate everyone on Wall Street that it comes across. While terror grips New York, the pen quivers just a bit in nervousness. The sword eventually tracks down its quarry and strikes, chopping the top of the pen clean off and almost damaging its barrel of ink. The pen leaps out of the businessman’s pocket and flees, only managing an escape because the sword is detained by police officers looking for a slim, steely-lookingh fellow. The sword, Steely Dan, and Rudy Guiliani are all held for questioning about the crime. Luckily, the Piedmontese manages to hire an excellent lawyer, who plays the race card and manages to get several officers kicked off of the NYPD for discriminating against Italians. Round Two goes to the sword.
The sword has just narrowly avoided a jail sentence, but still keeps its combat-oriented mind on its mission of destroying the pen utterly. It eventually tracks the pen down to its home, a coffee can on the desk of a grade school teacher. Sneaking into the school after dark when the pen should be asleep, the sword moves in for its final deathblow. However, it gets quite a surprise when it enters the room only to see the pen leveling a shotgun at it. In its best Sean Connery impersonation, the pen says, “Just like a wop to bring a knife to a gunfight,” and blows the shocked sword into dozens of shattered steel pieces. Round Three and the fight go to the pen.