Batman and Robin versus the Green Hornet and Kato

Two more dynamic duos square off.Batman and Robin return for their third go-round in the tag-team arena. This fight is using the Bruce Wayne/Dick Grayson combo, despite the fact that Dick Grayson hasn’t been Robin for years (he’s currently running around as the new Batman). Facing off against them will be the Green Hornet, classic serial hero and grandson of the Lone Ranger, and Kato, his sidekick and chaffeur who was played by Bruce Lee in the old TV show. That means that Kato was much cooler than the Green Hornet, alas – the creative team on the TV show even had to ask Bruce Lee to tone down the whupass so he wouldn’t outshine the Green Hornet too much.

Round One:
As has become traditional, the B-Listers start the show. This time around, it’s Robin versus Kato. The battle is a straight-up martial arts duel, and Robin uses all of the knowledge that Batman has given him in order to emerge victorious. He takes on Kato with close quarters combat, figuring that he can get under the reach of the larger sidekick and hit some nerve clusters. Kato, however, channels Bruce Lee and goes to town. He delivers a series of rapid six-inch punches to Robin’s head and neck, leaving the Boy Wonder more than a little woozy. As Robin staggers backwards, he opens up more maneuverability for Kato, who then starts pulling off circle kicks and other moves that he now has the room for. Having had enough after the short but one-sided duel, Robin shoots out a grapple line and tries to swing to freedom. Kato stops him even there by grabbing the Boy Wonder’s yellow cape and yanking him back into melee. It doesn’t take much more for Robin to get beaten into unconsciousness. Round One goes to the Green Hornet and Kato.

Round Two:
With Robin down, Batman and the Green Hornet go at it. Batman is one of the best martial artists in the world, but the Green Hornet is good enough to hold his own as well. Batman also has his wonderful toys, though. He fights from a range, bombarding the Green Hornet with smoke bombs, batarangs, and then finally tying him up with a grapple cord. The Green Hornet, for his part, manages to get one hand free – the hand with a revolver in it. He fires a shot and grazes Batman’s arm.

“Ow! What the hell, man?” shouts Batman. “Those are real bullets!”

“So?”

“So we’re Saturday morning superheroes! You’re supposed to fire off gas pellets or a big green boxing glove or something. Not bullets!”

The Green Hornet considers this for a moment, then responds by shooting Batman several more times. Round Two goes to the Green Hornet and Kato.

Round Three:
Bleeding badly from the gunshots, Batman uses the last reserves of his incredible strength to charge the Green Hornet and disarm him. He then works on beating the crap out of the masked crimefighter, eschewing the Adam West-style “POW!” and “BIFF!” splashes for bone-crushing damage and blunt trauma force. By this time, though, Kato is ready to intervene. He brings the smackdown on Batman, who might be one of the best martial artists in the world but still pales in comparison to Bruce Lee, one of the best martial artists in the universe. Batman goes down amid shouts of frustration that the Green Hornet and his partner don’t wear insect costumes or have any special tech that simulates a hornet sting. They only have green clothes, a couple guns, and a penchant for kicking ass. Round Three and the fight go to the Green Hornet and Kato.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: