Fred and Wilma Flintstone versus George and Jane Jetson

The Flintstones meet the Jetsons again, but this time there will be hell to pay.Both of these families are ripoffs of The Honeymooners, but one is set in the Stone Age and one is set in the far future. They met in a crossover movie that kicked off the long tradition of crappy TV crossovers, and both the Flintstones and the Jetsons are now fading cultural icons. Now they get to fight their way out of obscurity and back into our hearts.

Round One:
I’m going to go back to the indestructible arena I used way back in some old-timey fights. Since we’ve got Space Age technology and Stone Age brute force going against each other, it seems right.

The first round is a face-off between Fred Flintstone and George Jetson. And really, that’s a non-fight. Fred is a big guy who can take hits with the best of them, while George is a pudgy office worker who spends most of his time behind a desk. He can’t even run on a treadmill without nearly killing himself. So George proceeds to get the ever-loving Hell beat out of him. George does have an ace up his sleeve, though: an experimental laser pistol he brought with him from Spacely’s Space Sprockets. Unfortunately for George, like so much of modern technology, the laser pistol doesn’t function properly. It spits out some sparks and then dies. Fred’s tech, on the other hand, is as reliable as stone itself. That’s because his tech is in fact stone itself. Fred picks up a large rock off the ground and proceeds to pummel George with it. Round One goes to Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Round Two:
Round Two pits Wilma and Jane against one another. As traditional sitcom women from an era before equal rights (apparently, we learn to treat women as second-class citizens again in the future), they aren’t interested in actually brawling. Instead, they try to bond over cooking and shopping and other “womanly” activities. Of course, they also spend a lot of time sniping at each other with snide insults along the way. Over the course of several hours, their tempers begin rising, but neither one of them wants to be the first one to throw a punch. Fortunately, Wilma’s mother-in-law shows up and solves that problem. Wilma goes crying to the ogress that Jane thinks she’s prettier, and the mother-in-law from Hell snaps Jane in two and uses the body to floss her teeth. Don’t mess with prehistoric in-laws. Round Two goes to Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Round Three:
With Jane down, George staggers away from Fred and gets on the phone to his boss, begging for some backup. Fortunately, Spacely has branched out from making cogs thanks to a lucrative military contract. Now his company also makes giant death bots. These giant death bots fly into the arena and begin spouting nuclear fire. They devour Wilma’s mohter-in-law instantly. Fred and Wilma don’t have much to counter with, since dinosaurs < death bots. However, borrowing a page from Zap Brannigan’s Art of War, the Flintstones send wave after wave of dinosaurs against the death bots until the robots’ pre-set kill limit is maxed out and they shut down.

Then Fred punches George Jetson unconscious.

Somewhere, Zap Brannigan smiles and rubs his hands across his velour suit. Round Three and the fight go the Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

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