The Green Arrow and the Green Lantern versus Robin Hood and Little John

When buddy vigilantes collideThe Green Arrow is a modern day Robin Hood, which is convenient because he’ll be facing off against the original Robun Hood. The Green Lantern, Hal Jordan in this case, is a space cop with a magic ring that allows him to create anything he can imagine, with the sole limit that the ring has limited effectiveness against things that are yellow. Little John does not have a magic ring – he just has a quarterstaff and some muscle. On the other hand, he’s not likely to be disables by a guy with a water gun filled with mustard, either.

Round One:
Robin Hood has decided to expand his band of merry men, and believes that the Green Arrow would be an excellent addition to the troupe, not to mention a possible heir for when Robin hangs up his bow. Don’t ask me how Sherwood Forest and Star City coexist – I’ll just babble something about time warps and black holes.

In keeping with his traditional recruiting methods, Robin can’t actually add the Green Arrow until he gets his ass kicked by the masked archer. That’s how he added Little John, Friar Tuck, and Will Scarlet to his band, among others. Robin begins thinking that maybe he needs less painful recruitment tactics around the time that the Green Arrows shoots him a couple dozen times with boxing glove arrows, taser arrows, and net arrows. Robin cuts his way out of the last net with a hunting knife, then returns fire. His first shot hits the Green Arrow in the arm. The Green Arrow, shocked, drops his bow and starts hollering.

“Ow! What the hell, man? That arrow didn’t have a boxing glove or any other lame gadget on it! It just had a pointy metal thing!”

While the Green Arrow is howling in pain and trying to stop the blood loss, Robin pelts him with another couple arrows. Maybe the Green Arrow isn’t cut out to be a merry man after all… Round One goes to Robin Hood and Little John.

Round Two:
At the last moment, the Green Arrow is saved by a glowing green boxing glove from the sky. Hal Jordan, the Green Lantern, swoops in to defend his friend from Robin Hood. Although the space-man temporarily overpowers Robin, he is not so easily defeated. In fact, he prepared for the possible intervention of Hal with some backup of his own. Little John enters the fray to take on Hal. Prideful to a fault and interested in taking on the legendary fighter in a fair battle, Hal uses his ring to create a green quarterstaff and steps forward to challenge the newcomer. As he is wearing a fruity yellow shirt that reminds Hal of his pantsless grandmother the yellow fear bug that used to live inside him (damned retcons), Little John seems to have the upper hand. The yellow shirt is coupled with green tights, though, and Hal drives that point home by hitting Little John in the crotch with his energy staff (or at least that’s what she said). A crack to the pills is enough to drop most men, and Little John is no exception. He goes down, leaving the Green Arrow and the Green Lantern to take on Robin Hood together. Round Two goes to the Green Arrow and the Green Lantern.

Round Three:
In order to finish off Robin Hood quickly, the Green Lantern creates a giant emerald dinosaur to swallow his opponent. The Green Arrow, however, intervenes.

“A dinosaur? Really? Why not go for some thematic consistency and create the Sheriff of Nottingham?”

Hal sighs. “Fine.” He creates a green construct of the Sheriff of Nottingham riding a tyrannosaurus, which swallows Robin Hood.

“Okay, now you’re just being obtuse,” complains the Green Arrow.

“Kids love dinosaurs.”

“Whatever. You suck. I’m going to go sleep with your old girlfriends.”

When the Green Arrow turns his back, the Green Lantern sucker punches him with a glowing boxing glove. Then he lets the tyrannosaurus finish off Robin Hood. Hal Jordan hops onto the back of his giant green dinosaur and rides off into the sunset. Round Three and the match goes to the Green Lantern.

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