Power Rangers versus Gundam Wing

Go go...one of these guys...A special nine-round fight by Scottie Taylor

The Rangers are a group of malcontent uppity teenagers with “attitudes” and limited martial arts skills. They take orders from a big giant head and pilot really crappy looking voltron wanna be mechs called “Zords.” The Gundam Wing boys are a group of 5 young pilots chosen to gain peace between the United Earth Nation and the Colonies through use of really big cool looking mechs called “Gundams.” The one from above is called Deathscythe. The pilots are Heero, Duo, Quatre, Troa, Wufei, and we’re giving them the addition of Zechs to even out the numbers (six on six, not that one couldn’t wreck the Rangers). You’ll remember Zechs as the guy who killed Batman earlier on.

Round One:
Angel Grove, the spot where all fights for the Power Rangers inevitably take place. The command center, ran by a floating head and a schitzo robot named Alpha-5. The rangers are gathered around Zordon, the big giant head as he informs them of immediate danger coming from outer space in the form of large mechanical monsters called Gundams.

Jason, the Red Ranger: Gundams! They sound like the work of Lord Zed and Ridda Repulsa. They must be stopped before they wreck Angel Grove.

Zordon: Ummm…I advice caution Rangers, they are REALLY big…

Tommy, the White Ranger: Size doesn’t matter Zordon! It’s how you use it! Isn’t that right Kimberly?

Kimberly, the Pink Ranger, looks over at Tommy, trying not to laugh: “Ummm…Yeah Tommy…that’s right..*snicker*”

Zordon interupts the sexual innuendo and tells the Rangers to “power up” and go destroy the Gundams. The Rangers change into their various multicolored outfits and teleport into the always nearby vacent canyon.

The appear in a funky looking beam of light. Overhead the Gundams come into view, followed closely by the Epyon, piloted by Zechs. Wing Gundam Zero Custom (from Endless Waltz) flies in overhead, its large metallic angel wings spread wide in all their majestic mecha glory as the Wing Zero lands, stiring up dust everywhere. The Sandrock drops down like…well…a rock and lands in a crouching position, Scimitars drawn and ready, Heavyarms landing behind Sandrock, cannons aimed at the Power Rangers. The Gundam Alton flips into view, standing tall and proud as it lands, Dragon heads extended, fire bristling from between their metallic maws. And finally the Gundam Deathscythe Hell Custom falls into view, demonic wings spread open as it passes in front of the sun, giving the characteristic “I am Batman!” look as it drops down, beam scythe blazing as the Gundam stands in all its unholy Shinigami glory. Round One goes to the Gundams for the best intro. Teleporting is just so lame, huge fraggin’ mecha dropping from the sky ready to battle just so rocks.

Round Two:
The Power Rangers see the huge fraggin Gundams and damn near cream their spandex. They then spend the next 5 minutes calling on their “Zords” (I’m giving them the Thunder Zords, mainly because they were the only decent looking ones in the whole lot.) The Gundam pilots just sit there and power up their weapons. Round Two goes to the Gundams for being able to chill and not laugh at the pathetic Rangers doing a bunch of useless shit martial arts to call on a few mechs.

Round Three:
Jason jumps into the Red Dragon Thunderzord and engages the Gundams. Heero in the Wing Zero Custom takes the offensive and challenges Jason. Jason converts his Zord into its battloid mode and grabs its combat staff while Heero drops his beam rifle and draws a beam saber, igniting it in a flash of plasma energy. Jason charges Heero’s Gundam, beam saber meeting Zord Staff in a flash of metallic sparks as the saber cuts into the staff. Jason backs off, somewhat worried then charges again. Heero’s Zero system kicks in, Heero deciding Jason’s fate in a second. He turns off the beam saber and grabs his rifle, flying up into the air as he charges the rifle to maximum capacity. Jason converts his Zord into it’s red dragon mode as he takes to the air, Heero following as he aims his rifle at the dragon zord. Heero aims, and fires, the blast enveloping the red dragon as it falls to the ground below in a shower of fire, sparks and electrical discharge. Round Three goes the Heero and the Gundams.

Round Four:
Tommy in his White Tiger Zord sees Jason fall and rushes to the aid of his comrade. Tommy looks up at the Wing Gundam and leaps to the attack. Out of no where the Epyon comes and knocks the pathetic Zord aside as the Epyon converts to the battloid form, and lands, heat rod extending, Zero system engaging.

Zechs: Kid, you must tell me something. Are you the enemy?

Tommy: What are you talking about man?

Zechs: Epyon says you are the enemy.

Tommy: What? Enemy? You’re the enemy! I’m just a pretty boy teenager with an attitude.

Zechs: …Close enough…

Epyon flies foward towards the fallen tiger, heat rod whipping out and wrapping around one of the legs, and yanks it up. The Zord flies into the air under the strength of the Gundam, but manages to swipe the Epyon with its claws and send the Epyon crashing into the ground.

Zechs: This isn’t over yet kid…

Zechs engages the Tiger again, the Epyon lifting the Zord up with its sheer physical strength and slams it down into the ground again on its back.

Zechs: This is the way of the soldier. Never give up! Never surrender!

Tommy: Man, what the hell are you talking about?

Zechs: Shut up and take it like a man punk.

Tommy’s Zord finally succumbs to the massive beating and falls silent, Epyon disengages and steps back. Jason in the Red Dragon Zord regains conciousness and radio’s Zordon.

Jason: Zordon! We need help! We’re getting out asses kicked out here and we already summoned the Zords!

Zordon: Oh shut up! I mean damn you whine alot! Jesus Christ! I’m a disembodied head and I don’t bitch this much! Just shut up man okay? You’re killing my high! *sounds of whispering in the background* Yeah..you’re right Alpha…maybe those guys will kick the Rangers’ asses…should have hired those kids anyway…at least they got balls..and some decent looking clothes…

Jason: Zordon! What are you saying?

Zordon: Didn’t I already tell you to shut up? Now go away! Thats it! Fuck the contract, I’m outta here! *transmission abruptly shuts off*

Jason: ….Oh shit…

Round Four goes to Zechs Merquise and the Gundams.

Round Five:
The Rangers resolve to make the fight a fair one on one melee as Zack engages the other black mecha known as Deathscythe. The Lion Thunderzord roars its fury as it races towards the Deathscythe. Duo looks at his radar screen and watches with eagerness as the Lion approaches. Zack glances at his sensor screen, only to find it black as he looks up and finds the Deathscythe gone.

Zack: Huh? Where’d it go?

Zack looks up in time to see the green thermal scythe decend on the top of the Lion Zord and cut through in one swipe. Inside the cockpit of the Zord sparks fly, circuts sizzle and crack and tiny explosions ensure. Zach manages to swipe at the Gundam a few times to no avail, the Deathscythe is simply to quick for the smaller shitty mecha. The Zord is summeriarily dismissed as it’s hurled across the canyon by the Deathscythe. Round Five goes to Duo and the Gundams…jeez…kinda onesided here aint it?

Round Six:
This is between Quatre and Billy. Billy moves his unicorn into play as Quatre begs him to leave now. Billy ignores his pleas and engages anyway. A second later the unicorn is dehorned as a heated scimatar blade slashes through it with practiced ease.

Quatre: Come on Sandrock, we can at least be merciful about this…

Billy: Merciful my ass! You’re gonna die.

Quatre blinks and looks at Billy through the com system: Ya know…why is it that no one ever freaking listens to me? Is it because I’m so little? Is it because my Gundam isn’t as cool as the others? Well ya know what! I’m tired of this shit!!! I’m tired of everyone dumping on me!!!This ends right now!!!!

Quatre charges the unicorn, downslashing with the blades, cutting deep into the unicorn’s armored hull, explosions rocking it as it tilts on its side. Sandrock picks up the Zord and punches the face a few times before placing the scimitars back into the shield for storage and drawing the huge uzi. Billy looks up, face bloodied from the impact of the explosions and whimpers. Quatre unloads a Gundam sized clip of rounds into the undercarriage of the Unicorn, then throws it to the ground with disgust.

Quatre: Wufei was right…fighting such weaklings doesn’t satisfy me…

The rest of the Gundam pilots are silent at Quatre’s outburst…crickets chirp, breathing is echoed in the silence.

Duo: ….So….who pissed in his cornflakes this morning?

Round Six goes to one very pissed off Quatre and the Gundams.

Round Seven:
Round seven places Kimberly in her Firebird Zord vs Trowa in his Heavyarms Custom. Kimberly flies overhead shooting out little missles or whatever it is that the Firebird shoots at Heavyarms. Heavyarms just sits there as Trowa targets his enemy. He leans forward, closer to the screen as his hair is inavertiantly pushed up and out from over his right eye. Trowa blinks for a second impressed with himself.

Trowa: Wow…so this is what they call depth perception…

Trowa regains his senses and with his new found perception targets the Firebird and unloads every single one of his missles into the helpless Zord. Kimberly freefalls to the ground, never having stood a chance. Round Seven goes to the now 20/20 visioned Trowa Barton and the Gundams.

Round Eight:
Wufei is left to engage the Griffin Zord. He scowls at the knowledge that it’s a woman.

Wufei: Why do I always get stuck fighting women? They’re so weak…and unfullfilling.

Trini: Shadup! I can fight!

Wufei: Oh go learn your place woman and learn to cook!

Alton launces the dragon heads towards the Griffin Zord, the Zord barely moving aside of a firey death. The dragons retract as Wufei ignites his Beam Trident and flies towards the Griffin. In a few quick slashes and swipes its all over.

Wufei: Weak…and so unfullfilling…

Round Eight goes to Mr. Justice Rant himself, Wufei and the Gundams.

Round Nine:
Final Bout! The Zords get their collective asses kicked by the Gundams and are forced to combine into Ultra Mega Thunderzord…or something like that…The Zords merge, forming one huge Zord that impresses the Gundams not in the slightest. Heero has recharged his Burster Rifle and fires it at the HFZ(Huge Fucking Zord) and blasts the Zord back a good hundred feet. The Zord rights itself only to find the twin beamscythe of the Deathscythe looming in front of it as the Deathscythe rushes and slashes multiple times before the Zord knows what hit it. The right arm of the zord is cut off and falls uselessly to the ground. The Zord charges its weak weapons systems and attempts to cause some damage, but to no avail. Alton gives the Zord a rectal exam with his Beam Trident and Quatre slashes off one of the legs. Trowa fires off all his bullets almost point blank. Zechs draws a beam saber and starts slashing at the chest armor, and signing it with the trademark “Z” of Zorro…errr…Zechs…Heero himself draws two beamsabers and starts hacking the thing to bits. The Power Rangers look on helplessly from the inside as their precious Zords are reduced to scrap. Round Nine and the entire match goes to the Gundams. Not only are they bigger, better, stronger, faster, and cooler, but the pilots don’t waste half the episode getting their asses kicked before resorting to the best weapon at their disposal. They use theirs right away and often. Long live the Gundams!

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2 Responses to “Power Rangers versus Gundam Wing”

  1. Ya I like Gundams as much as anyone else, but to be honest you didn’t give them a fair fight. I am sure this is an obvious parody, but still it was one sided. I understand if you like the Gundams better than the Rangers, but you never gave them a chance. When you look at it they are not so different from each other. They are both Teenagers. They are both Teens, They try to use everything in their power to achieve peace and both use giant mechs to aid in that goal. The differences between them is that, while the Gundams were a product of pure scientific genius. The Ranger’s powers are based off a balance of Science and Magic. The Gundam pilots are military trained while the only combat experience the rangers have are the following: Martial arts, and any info from both the Zords and Ranger suits on how to utilize their powers and weapons, downloaded directly into their brain. Kind of like the Zero System. Proof of that being in “Day of the dumpster”, where Billy and the other rangers talk about how despite their inexperience; they instantly know how to drive their zords like they were meant to use them. Though I know it’s obvious you favor the gundams you didn’t really give them a fair deal either. First of all, it would have been better if the pilots made an appearance in angel grove as transfer students. They pretend to make friends with the teens not knowing each others’ IDs. (With the exception of Heero, whom usually threatens to kill the friends he meets the first time.) They would then probably, for kicks challenge the rangers to a match at Ernie’s Gym and Juice bar. Jason/Heero Zach/Duo etc. Then afterwards they would get called away by their respective leaders. The rangers have to fight the gundams and the gundams are convinced by lord Zedd that the rangers threaten world peace. Little do they know, Zedd formed an alliance with Dekim Barton in exchange for rulership over earth. The Rangers without zords would see themselves at a disadvantage but because of the Gundams morals on fighting they battle the Rangers man to man wearing their space suits to conceal their identity. The only thing keeping the rangers on their toes is their iconic weapons and their martial arts. While Heero and the pilots would use their guns and swords to equal the playing field. During the scuffle Jason fight Heero, though due to the latter’s Military Training Jason barely stands a chance however with his power sword he shatters the visor on Heero’s helmet. Heero in turn blows off the visor on Jason’s helmet. Both see whom they are and order each of their respective groups to retreat. The ranger lament about their losing battle whilst Zordon reveals to them about Zedd and Dekim’s deal. Though they are certain the gundams may try to kill them, their main goal would be to not kill them. The final round begins when Heero in the Wing Gundam Zero finds the command center and aims his twin buster rifle at it. He demands that the rangers come out and fight, lest they want to lose Zordon. The rangers come out and the other gundams reveal themselves. Heero is against Jason in the Tyrannosaurus who commends him on being able to hold him off in battle. Duo is against Zach in the mastodon cracking a joke about being a better dancer than he is. Trowa would be against Trini in the sabertooth tiger, he laments that she reminds him of his sister. Quatre would be against Billy, the former apologizing for the fact that he may kill him. And much to his annoyance, Wufei would be against Kimberly in the pterodactyl. He remarks on how a woman shouldn’t fight wars. The battle begins with Heero firing his machine gun turrets at the Trex which barely have an effect on it while the rex would use its tail to knock him over. Heero fights back with his beam saber. Duo slashes at Zach with his Scythe laser, but Zach freezes him with the Mastodon’s mist. Trowa fires everything he has on heavy arms but the quickness of the Sabertooth Tiger is too much and Trini fires the tail cannon. All the while Quatre is slicing at the Tricerotops horns but Billy fires back with its back cannon. Wufei has a little trouble with his whip attack as Kimberly flys the pterodactyl firing her lazers at him every chance they got. They were equally matched in this fight. However Heero, having enough takes out his buster rifle and blasts at them. The force of it knocks them all over both gundams and Rangers. The rangers fearing their lives form togther in megazords Tank mode. They use it to fire their energy and cannon weaponry at all the gundam pilots. Afterwards they form the megazord battle mode, in an attempt to finish them off. But before they can they are knocked down by an unknown mech. Its revealed to be Zechs in his Epyon. He and the other gundam pilots give the megazord a beatdown like no other until explosions surrounds them. The Dragon zord reveals it self as it equals the playing field once again. It was then and there he combines with the megazord to form the mega dragonzord. Both sides are ravaged from a long fight. It was then and there Jason tries to tell Heero of Dekim and Zedd’s plot but it was too late. The Colony L3 X-18999 is slowly decending towards the earth along with Serpentara, Lord Zedd’s personal zord. The Gundams and Zords realise its operation meteor all over again and try to stop it. Serpentara manages to fight them off due to its enormous size and power. Before it can finish them off its limited energy kicks in and The megazord blasts it off into space. Whilst The gundam pilots shoot down the colony blowing it up.

    I am not trying to insult you or anything but give them a fair fight at least.

  2. banagherlinks Says:

    Lol both are childish crap anyway. But hey, gundam wing mechs are super robots too with huge levels of plot armor LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!

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