Tenchi Masaki versus Luke Skywalker

Ripoff? What ripoff?Tenchi Masaki is the most eligible bachelor in the universe. He lives near a Shinto shrine in Japan, and trains under his grandfather, who is probably the biggest badass in the universe. His main weapon is his mad sword abilities and the uncontrolled power of his mystical lighthawk wings. Luke Skywalker is the last of the Jedi. The son of Darth Vader and the star of the Star Wars trilogy, Luke’s got some mad Jedi skills and sports a lightsaber that matches him nicely to Tenchi’s mystical blazing sword. He’s got a prosthetic hand left over from an old war injury and is the most powerful Jedi ever seen.

Round One:
The two are facing off in a fencing duel, bringing in all the greatest warriors of the universe. Luke is there for sport, and Tenchi’s there because Ryoko and Ayeka forced him into it (“Oh Tenchi, what a beautiful prize! You’ll get it for me, won’t you???” “No he’ll win it for me!” “Stay away from Tenchi! He’s mine!” and so on). Although Tenchi seems like the unassuming kind, he’s actually a great swordsman (as anyone who trained under his grandfather would be), so the fight is about even. That is, it’s about even until Luke starts throwing Tenchi around with the power of the Force. Tenchi manages to stay up due to his great ability to take tons of damage, but he’s clearly getting the worst of it. When it looks like Tenchi’s about to fall, Luke closes in with his lightsaber, and everyone figures they’re about to go on to the next round of the tournament. Round One goes to Luke.

Round Two:
Tenchi manages to dodge around as Luke closes in. Just when things are looking bleak for Tenchi, an enraged Ryoko and Ayeka dive into battle.

“How dare you hurt Tenchi!”

Luke is taken off guard and is beaten pretty severely. Even the mighty power of the Force cannot help him against the combined power of the princess of Jurai and the demon summoner Ryoko. Just as it looks like Luke is about to face the hell of a woman’s scorn, Tenchi’s grandfather intervenes, informing the girls that Tenchi must face Skywalker alone. He gives Luke some time to rest, and the battle begins anew. Round Two is a draw, since the crazy women aren’t the real opponent anyway.

Round Three:
And the battle resumes at a deadlock, like before. Luke pauses to channel all the energies he can muster to stop Tenchi, figuring he can gain the upper hand like before. But, sensing danger, Tenchi’s ancient sword unleashes the power of the Lighthawk wings. Tenchi gains some cool facial paint, he looks like a bigger better badass, and he gains wings of light. Even the Jedi is amazed at the transformation, and his concentration gets thrown off by the fact that Tenchi slices his hand off. As pissed off as this makes Luke, the overwhelming pain causes him to go down. Tenchi immediately apologizes and has Sasami treat the wound. Luke then takes notice of Mihoshi, but walks away dejectedly after seeing that, like all the other ladies, the fiery redhead has already given her heart to Tenchi. Round Three and the match go to Tenchi…poor Luke…you’ll find someone someday.


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