Batman and Robin versus the Ambiguously Gay Duo
Batman and Robin are the original ambiguously gay duo. Well, maybe it’s not really ambiguous. Batman is, after all, completely crazy. He has a thing for spandex, and has recruited many young “wards” that share Wayne Manor with him and, in some cases, even sleep in the same bed. So we’ve got a likely pedophile and the boy who appreciates the attention and doesn’t know any better. Fighting against them is the Ambiguously Gay Duo of Ace and Gary. Beginning on The Dana Carvey Show, their cartoon eventually moved to Saturday Night Live. They’re a direct parody of Batman and Robin, so we have a parody facing off against the real deal here. it’s also worth noting that Ace and Gary are voiced by Steve Colbert and Steve Carell, who are two very funny men.
The night begins like any other; Batman is in the Batcave watching gay porn with Robin. Tonight, Batman has set up something special. Having no regard for little things like trust or invasion of privacy, he’s set up secret cameras inside the Ambiguously Gay Duo’s base. He and Robin sit down and watch as Ace and Gary work on their wrestling moves. After a number of crotch grabs and leg twists, the duo is worn out and hits the showers.
“I don’t think they’re really gay,” says Robin, so far unimpressed with Batman’s selection of entertainment.
“Does it matter?!” Batman leans forward in his chair, watching intently as Ace and Gary wash where the sun don’t shine.
Just as Batman is at his creepy perverted best, Ace notices one of the cameras. Enraged, the pair immediately suit up and storm over to the Batcave, looking for an explanation…and maybe a copy of the tapes; no one knows which way they swing. Round One goes to the Ambiguously Gay Duo. Batman is busted.
The Ambiguously Gay Duo shows up in the Batcave to confront Batman and Robin. Having a bit of prep time, Batman and Robin have prepared for the battle with their Bat-gadgets. Set up in their utility belts are some batarangs, a bat-grappler, some bat-vibrators (in case they get locked in a safe and need to crack it open), and some bat-lube (to avoid those sticky situations). Ace and Gary look over the array of sex toys weapons with a look that hovers somewhere between amorousness and confusion.
“What are you looking at?” asks Batman.
“NOTHING!” insist Ace and Gary together.
“Good then.” Batman leaps into battle, hitting Ace with a batarang to the face. Round Two goes to Batman and Robin.
Things look bad for Ace and Gary. That’s really because things are bad. I mean, Batman is probably the best martial artist in the world. Robin may only be a punk kid, but he’s a punk kid who’s been trained by Batman. Ace and Gary are a pair of super-powered gay guys. Maybe. Plus, Batman had the all-important prep time before they showed up. And, as I have learned from reading comic book message boards, Batman can beat God and Hercules in an arm wrestling match if he had prep time. You know what? We might as well just discount Robin for this fight. Batman’s tag team partner is Prep Time. And, utilizing his strategy for taking out Superman, he and Prep Time easily kick Ace and Gary’s asses out of the Batcave. Batman then vents his pent up sexual frustrations on Robin. As I know from reading many, many Silver Age comics, there’s nothing ambiguous about Batman’s mental instability or his very homosexual relationship with Robin. Despite what Superdickery.com tells you, Batman is gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Unless you’re having sex with a 14-year old boy, that is. Round Three and the fight go to the team of Batman, Robin, and Prep Time.