Our first combatant, J.R.R. Tolkein’s Gandalf (actually named after a magical dwarf from Norse mythology), is not a stranger to the site, having already racked up a streak of wins and walking in as the undefeated champion. His competition is the formidable Darth Vader of George Lucas’ Star Wars trilogy. Both of these very intriguing and popular characters come from overrated hacks of writers. Vader doesn’t have quite the win streak of Gandalf, but has the advantage of just being really cool, looking good in black, and having James Earl Jones’ voice.
Having heard of the wizard Gandalf’s feats against the mightiest heroes that the polls on this web site have had to offer, the dreaded Emperor has decided that he would make a powerful tool for the dark side. Since the Empire doesn’t exactly have the best and brightest of the galaxy, relying on easily tricked storm troopers with generally poor aim, improving upon the continued improvement of the recruiting program is of vital importance for continued survival of the Empire against those damned rebels, the Emperor sends his top man, Lord Vader, to bring Gandalf around to the Dark Side. Vader is not exactly the free thinker who would point out to his boss that chasing around a mythical figure is pointless, so he catches the next shuttle to the isolated little planet called Middle Earth.
Gandalf, in the meantime, is wandering the globe looking for a safe place to hide from the multitude of bizarre characters who have sought his death lately. Unfortunately, when Vader lands, the old wizard panics and assumes that yet another stranger is trying to kill him and leaps into action, lunging at Vader with swords and magical flames. Vader is caught off guard by the attack and stumbles backward, barely able to leap out of the way and draw his light saber to defend himself. Round One goes to Gandalf.
Having fought some tough battles on this page already, Vader is getting a little sick and tired of dealing with pissants who think that they can take him on. So he decides to soften Gandalf up a little bit with a good old-fashioned telekinetic ass beating. Sure, it’s not the restrained Forcelything to do, but there’s a reason why he walks the path of the Dark Side, right?
Anyway, regardless of my meandering narration, the battle becomes quite furious when Gandalf lashes out with some telekinesis of his own. The pair beat on each other for a good long time until Gandalf’s face is purple and bloodied and Vader’s armor is cracked. Round Two is a draw.
The battle continues as a back and forth struggle until Vader realizes that Gandalf keeps thrusting his staff forward with each telekinetic blow. Using his amazing intellect, Vader reaches out and uses his mighty powers of the Force to yank the staff from the old sorcerer’s hands. He then proceeds to get the battle going on a purely physical plane, where he the cybernetically enhanced human with incredible strength has a marked advantage over the old and rather frail wizard. Vader beats the living crap out of Gandalf and then hauls him aboard his ship. Halfway back to the Death Star, he realizes that he is still angry at the old codger, and quietly flushes Gandalf out of an air lock. The wizard eventually implodes in the vacuum of deep space. Vader is reprimanded by the Emperor, but since he is the Empire’s MVP as it were, he gets no real penalty. Round Three and the bout go to Darth Vader.