Venom versus the T-1000

Save me, Robert Patrick!Venom defeated Spider-Man under the guarantee that the winner of that fight would then get to beat the ever-loving Hell out of me. I have no intention of actually following through on said guarantee, however. As a result, I’ve decided to hire out a bodyguard or two. My bodyguard of choice is the T-1000 from Terminator 2, which is a nigh-unstoppable killing machine capable of shaping his body into almost any form. His simple task: kill Venom. Venom’s task: don’t get killed. Let’s see which one will succeed.

Round One:
The T-1000 engages Venom in the streets of New York City, the traditional place for ridiculous fantasy battles (in America, at least…everywhere else, it’s Tokyo). Determined to hunt me down, Venom refuses to be stopped by the Terminator. When the T-1000 gets in the way, a fight inevitably begins. For the first round, Venom pounds on the Terminator with his super strength, while the T-1000 merely takes it. For each time the T-1000 gets knocked down, though, he melds into a puddle of liquid metal and then reforms in a standing position while the Terminator theme music plays from some unknown source. This drives Venom into a frenzy, and he hits even harder. Each time the T-1000 gets up, the Terminator theme music gets louder. Eventually, the process has repeated itself enough that the music, which began as mere background, grows to a thunderous crescendo. The loud noise constitutes a sonic attack, and Venom is weakened by what was supposed to be window dressing for this scene. Round One goes to the T-1000.

Round Two:
As the Terminator theme music dies down, Venom’s head stops spinning and he gets ready to rejoin the fight. He fires some webbing at the T-1000, hoping to tangle the robot up. The T-1000’s liquid metal body makes it impossible for webbing to hold him, though – every time he gets stuck, he just melds right through the junk. Finally, the T-1000 manages to get up close and personal with Venom and turns one of his hands into a razor-sharp blade. At this, Venom cackles with glee.

“Ha! You’re using knives against us! Our weakness is heat and sound, not knives!”

The T-1000 shrugs and then stabs Venom several dozen times in the head. It’s not as effective as a sonic gun or a flamethrower might be, but it still hurts Eddie Brock’s puny human brain. Round Two goes to the T-1000.

Round Three:
One thing that you’ve got to say for the Venom symbiote is that it’s resilient. Even with Eddie Brock severely injured, the power of the symbitoe forces its host to his feet, continuing the fight. Unfortunately, by this time the T-1000 has gone into full-on Terminator tropes style and is looking for the most oversized vehicle possible to stage a fight scene with. He settles on a nearby firetruck, so Venom manages to stand up just in time to get run over. The T-1000 then back over the top of Venom, gets out, and fires repeated rounds into the fuel tank. In true Hollywood style, the truck explodes, leaving Venom trapped and burning underneath it. The T-1000 finishes the job, and I’m saved a whupping from a black-suited, brain-eating Spider-Man knockoff. Round Three and the fight go to the T-1000.


One Response to “Venom versus the T-1000”

  1. frugurt1337 Says:

    T-1000 would win

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