Norman Osborn versus Lex Luthor

Marvel's Lex Luthor wannabe tries to take down the real thing.Norman Osborn (aka the Green Goblin, aka the Iron Patriot) is a billionaire industrialist who was once considered criminally insane and then gained control of the United States government in the Marvel Universe…because that’s how Marvel rolls, apparently. In current continuity, he’s in jail, but we’ll rewind a few months to when he was still in power for the purpose of this fight. Lex Luthor has been there and done all that in the DC Universe, but he did it about ten years earlier and to much better effect. Now Luthor is going for some street justice to pay Osborn back for stealing his idea.

Round One:
As of Dark Reign, Norman Osborn has everything: wealth, power, and the adoration of the public despite his past as an insane mass murderer. That’s not enough for him, though. He needs to feed that beast that cannot be fed known as his ego. After hearing some comparisons between himself and Lex Luthor, he sets out to prove which one is the greatest mad billionaire supercriminal of them all. Osborn busts out his spiffy Iron Patriot suit and flies out to attack Lex. Once he reaches 100 miles of Luthor’s estate, though, he is blasted out of the sky by an orbital satellite. The blast puts a dent in his armor and sends him plummeting hundreds of feet down into the ground. Upon bringing his suit’s systems back online, his sensors pick up Lex Luthor flying into view in his Silver Age battle suit. Lex grins at Osborn and cracks his knuckles, preparing to show Norman what being a real paranoid evil genius is all about. Round One goes to Lex Luthor.

Round Two:
Lex is about to go for the killing blow when he’s blindsided by an attack from Ares, the god of war. Aresa leaps into the air and knocks Lex to the ground – if the suit hadn’t been designed for fighting Superman, it would have been destroyed. Unimpressed, Lex gets up and dusts himself off.

“Hired goons, Norman? Really?”

Norman stands up and is joined by Ares. Soon afterwards, the rest of his Dark Avengers creep out of their hiding places to assemble.

“These aren’t goons. They’re the Dark Avengers.”

“Dark Avengers?”

“Yes. They’re part of my Dark Reign and they fight the Dark X-Men with the help of Dark Wolverine.”

“So…couldn’t think up any synonyms for ‘dark,’ huh?”

Norman suddenly looks somewhat sheepish. “…No.”

“That’s okay.” Lex raises his arm and touches a button on his wrist. “I’m now going to fire my dark orbital platform which will bathe you and your group in dark nuclear energy that will turn you into dark corpses before disintegrating you. Dark, dark, dark.”

With that, a LexCorp satellite springs to life and fires a bust of nuclear energy at the area, reducing the Dark Avengers to dark matter. Round Two goes to Lex Luthor.

Round Three:
While the rest of the Dark Avengers are vaporized, Norman Osborn is saved by the last efforts of deus ex machina the Sentry, who then dies of douchebaggery. Lex, meanwhile, has left the scene of the battle and returned to Metropolis, where he adds insult to injury by using LexCorp’s resources to buy out all of the Norman Osborn’s business assets and sign them over to Peter Parker. This prompts Norman to flip out and go after Lex in his old Green Goblin attire. Lex deliberately remains defenseless, just so Superman can show up and capture the Green Goblin, hauling him off to jail. After all, no matter how much Supes hates Lex, he still isn’t about to allow a high-profile murder to happen in his city. Lex toasts to another victory and prepares to send a taunting “care” package to Blackgate Prison for Norman. Round Three and the fight go to Lex Luthor.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s