The Bride to Be

Okay most brides to be aren't corpses, but still...“That is ever the way. ‘Tis all jealousy to the bride and good wishes to the corpse.” – James M. Barrie

“Bride to be” is an acquired template that can be added to any female humanoid or monstrous humanoid whose culture has a wedding ritual of some sort. The template becomes active within six months of the wedding ceremony, and is removed following the honeymoon.

A bride to be uses all the stats of the base creature, except as noted below.

Speed: The bride to be moves at double her normal movement rate. In addition, she can place herself under the effects of a haste spell up to three times per day. The haste ability is considered a spell-like ability.

Special Attacks: The bride to be gains the ability to rage as per a barbarian. At six months away from the wedding, the bride to be can rage once per day. As each month passes, the bride to be can rage one additional time per day, to a maximum of six times per day at one month before the wedding. A raging bride to be gains a +4 bonus to Strength and Constitution and a +2 morale bonus to Will saves, but suffers a -2 penalty to Armor Class.

If the rage is directed toward a wedding planner or event consultant, the Strength and Constitution bonuses increase to +6, and the Will save bonus increases to +3.

If the rage is directed toward the bride to be’s future husband, the Strength and Constitution bonuses increase to +8, the Will save bonus increases to +4, and the bride to be is not fatigued upon leaving the rage.

Whenever something goes wrong in planning for the wedding, or when the bride to be’s future husband does not compliment her at least six times per day, the bride to be must make a DC 20 Will save or fly into a rage, whether she wants to or not.

The bride to be’s number of rages per day stacks with any class features that grant her a similar ability.

Special Qualities: A bride to be can be calmed by people telling her how pretty she is and how lovely her wedding is going to be. When someone tells her something along those lines, the bride to be must make a Will save (DC 10 + 1/2 the speaker’s level or hit dice + the speaker’s Charisma score). If she fails the Will save, she is effectively charmed for the duration of the encounter, and views the speaker in the most positive light possible. She does not fall under the charm effect if in a rage, but must still make a Will save, with failure meaning that the rage ends prematurely.

The bride to be has a long memory. Anyone who insults her or hints that she won’t be the most beautiful bride ever cannot later charm her through flattery. Additionally, the bride to be’s future husband is not capable of charming his fiancée, as he is expected to compliment her every chance he gets.

Ability Scores: While a bride to be gains increased strength, endurance, and speed through her newfound abilities, her capacity for rational thought diminishes as the big day approaches. At six months before the wedding and every month thereafter, the bride to be suffers a cumulative -1 penalty to her Wisdom score, up to a maximum of -6 at one month before the wedding. This ability score penalty disappears after the wedding inevitably goes off wonderfully except for that one drunk guy who everybody refers to in an embarrassed tone well after the event is over.

***

I would like to point out that all of the above material is intended solely as humor, and in no way reflects upon my own lovely wife Sarah, who was nothing but composed and gracious all through the planning for our wedding, who is the most gorgeous and intelligent woman I know, and who would be even more attractive if she stopped threatening me with a fire axe as I type this.

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