Phoenix Wright versus Miles Edgeworth

This franchise rocks!Anyone who has spoken to me in the last five years or so probably knows that I’ve become obsessed with the Ace Attorney video games for the Nintendo DS. In the past, Phoenix Wright, the original main character of those games, has taken on Derek Stiles of the Trauma Center games as well as his successor, Apollo Justice. But there’s a new Ace Attorney game in town, and it features Miles Edgeworth. Edgeworth began as Phoenix’s adversary and eventually became his friend. He’s a prosecutor obsessed with revealing the truth at all costs, and is the only man alive who can rock a maroon suit and a puffy cravat. Now Phoenix and Edgeworth will be facing off against each other one more time to determine who is the ace-est Ace Attorney of them all.

Round One:
Due to a recent change in the Ace Attorney court system, the innocence or guilt of a client is now decided through a brawl between the prosecutor and the defense attorney. Hey, it’s about as fair and unbiased as the standard court system in the video games.

Phoenix is defending his newest client, Mr. Plot Device, from a murder charge. To his horror, his opponent in court is none other than his old friend Miles Edgeworth, which means that one of these two lawyers is going to have to leave in a body bag. Nonetheless, it is Phoenix’s creed to do his utmost to defend his client, and he chooses to do so by taking a folding chair and bashing in Edgeworth’s skull. Edgeworth, on the other hand, fights with logic rather than his fists. Putting a finger to his forehead in thought, he uses his own special brand of logic to put the following clues together:

“Severe bleeding from the cranium…a bent metal chair in Wright’s hands…that means that Wright is beating me over the skull with a chair!”

There’s a nifty “whoosh” as Edgeworth’s logic click in place as per the deduction scenes in Ace Attorney Investigations. Edgeworth’s deductive triumph, however, does little to change the fact that he is being repeatedly smacked across the head with a folding chair. Round One goes to Phoenix Wright.

Round Two:
The chair breaks in Phoenix’s hands, but he continues pounding on Edgeworth, doing everything he can to defend his client. With each punch, he shouts, “That that!”

Edgeworth, reeling from loss of blood, seems like he should drop, but is held up entirely by the strength of his pride. Even with a bleeding forehead and some brain damage, he’s not about to let himself go down without a fight. Gathering all the strength he has left, he shouts, “Hold it!” The shout gives Phoenix a moment of pause as he waits for a dramatic piece of evidence to be presented. Edgeworth’s evidence turns out to be the cravat he keeps around his neck at all times. Yanking it off, he balls it up and shoves it into Phoenix’s mouth, stifling his shouts. Without the ability to yell dramatically, Phoenix’s abilities are severely compromised. The tide of the fight turns, with Edgeworth taking the blue-suited defense attorney to school. Round Two goes to Miles Edgeworth.

Round Three:
As usual, Phoenix is on the ropes going into the home stretch. The judge bangs down his gavel and stops the fight, seemingly ready to declare Edgeworth the winner. Phoenix shouts his objection, pointing to the mountains of evidence that he’s gathered that has so far been ignored by the court. The evidence clearly points to Mr. Device’s innocence. However, due to the cruel nature of the court, it seems that the judge is forced to ignore the glaring proof of Mr. Device’s innocence, until…

“OBJECTION!”

Everyone pauses in surprise as Edgeworth interrupts the judge. Not willing to send an innocent man to prison, he’s having one of his traditional crisis of conscience. However, he can’t think of a legal reason to stop the trial. Instead, in the ensuing confusion, Edgeworth whispers to Phoenix:

“Wright, hit me.”

Phoenix gives Edgeworth one last glancing blow, which Edgeworth plays up to full effect with incredibly cheesy and over-the-top acting. He goes down, allowing Phoenix to win the case via technically winning the fight. Everyone in the courtroom realizes the obvious ruse – except the judge, who has the attention span and mindset of a small child and thus immediately declares Phoenix’s client not guilt. Round Three and the fight go to Phoenix Wright.

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