Phoenix Wright versus Apollo Justice

Two parts of my favorite video game franchise square off.Here I go again, putting together a fight that people other than myself probably won’t get. This battle puts the two main characters of the excellent Ace Attorney video game series against one another. Phoenix Wright is the original Ace Attorney, debuting with three Gameboy Advance games in Japan before coming to the Nintendo DS. He’s a bumbling lawyer with a good heart, and is helped out by the spirit of his dead mentor and a pair of spirit channelers, as well as a magical artifact that allows him to detect when people are lying to him. Apollo is the new kid on the block, with only one game under his belt. He’s assisted by Phoenix’s adopted daughter, a talented stage musician name Trucy. He also has the gift of perception and can pick out people’s smallest nervous twitches. Apollo’s game is in my opinion the best of the series so far, but that’s largely because of Phoenix’s involvement in the brilliant final case. As we move outof the courtroom and onto the battlefield, we’ll see who emerges victorious.

Round One:
Fittingly, Round One begins in court, with Phoenix and Apollo each presenting their case for victory before the naive and child-minded judge from the Ace Attorney series. Each lawyer uses evidence collected from their various cases to demonstrate that he is the one most suited to hold the title of Ace Attorney. There’s a lot of shouting, fists pounding on desks, and cries of, “Hold It!” and “Objection!” Eventually, the court room duel ends in a loud sound of snoring. The judge has fallen asleep. While Apollo looks sheepishly at the judge and sweats at the awkward situation, Phoenix springs into action. With a cry of “Take that!” he lunges forward pointing his index finger high and proud. The finger of justice strikes home, gouging Apollo in the eye and temporarily blinding him. Round One goes to Phoenix Wright.

Round Two:
With Phoenix having landed the first blow, the fight becomes physical. Apollo is stunned by Phoenix’s eye gouge, and things look to be over before they even begin. Fortunately, he has Phoenix’s own adopted daughter to protect him. Trucy Wright intervenes with her portable mannequin Mr. Hat, stalling Phoenix while Apollo recovers. Phoenix is loathe to attack his own daughter, but he fortunately has an assistant of his own. His kid sidekick Maya channels the spirit of Phoenix’s dead mentor Mia Fey, transforming into a distractingly beautiful robed woman with years of legal experience and a ruthless cunning. Well, Maya-Mia isn’t distractingly beautiful to Trucy, but she is enough to distract me for a moment…

Mmmm...

Mmmm...channeled Mia...

Oh yeah…the fight. Anyway, Mia’s ruthless court room ways outshine any magic that Trucy can come up with, effectively taking her out of the fight. Meanwhile, Phoenix continues kicking the crap out of Apollo and I go back to fantasizing about busty lawyer spirits. Round Two goes to Phoenix Wright.

Round Three:
Outmatched in the physical department, Apollo Justice tries to focus, using his incredible perceptive powers to identify Phoenix’s weakness and exploit that. It takes some time to properly focus, since it’s difficult to concentrate when someone is repeatedly punching you in the neck. Finally, Apollo manages to hone in on Phoenix’s weakness: his soft heart and seemingly endless supplies of sympathy for the less fortunate. Apollo gets on his knees and starts begging Phoenix for mercy, figuring that he can counterattack once Phoenix lets his guard down. Unfortunately for Apollo, Phoenix is pretty perceptive himself, and can see through lies quite easily. (It also doesn’t hurt that he has a magic artifact that lets him know when people are hiding the truth from him.) Phoenix sees through Apollo’s ruse and kicks him in the pills, knocking Apollo flat and ending the fight. Phoenix takes the young’un’s badge, tosses him out of the court room, and takes the title of Ace Attorney for himself. Round Three and the fight go to Mia Fey…I mean breasts…I mean Phoenix Wright.

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