The Tick versus Superman

Who is the bigger, bluer boy scout?The Tick is a simple-minded and stout-hearted defender of justice who fights crime in The City. He has a sidekick named Arthur who dresses like a moth and has a dog named Speke. The Tick is super strong and nigh invulnerable. He has a slight advantage here because he never died, came back, got split into four different heroes, lost his powers, gained his powers, got split into two more heroes, then suddenly went back to the way he was. Aside from that fiasco in the 1990s, Superman was born on the planet Krypton, where, depending on who has told his origin, either everybody was normal or everybody had super powers. On the eve of his planet’s death, he was rocketed off to Earth where he took up the alias of Clark Kent. He has super strength, speed, intelligence, nigh invulnerability, heat vision, x-ray vision, and flight.

Evil Bert

Bert, the evil mastermind behind this fight.

 

Round One:
Both the Tick and Superman are lovers of justice, and there is no way that they would really fight. So I’ll do the dumbass comic book thing and whip up some guy trying to rule two realities. And there he is on the right: Bert from Sesame Street. Yes, he’s evil through and through. Anyway, Bert is trying to take over these two universes, and to stop it, the Tick and Superman have to fight. Don’t ask why; it happens all the time in Marvel/DC crossovers. Superman rockets off to the City to do battle with the Tick. The two titans collide, and Superman begins pummeling the Tick into the basement of Arthur’s apartment. Angered, the Tick fights back, but neither of the heroes gains a clear cut advantage. Round One is a draw.

Round Two:
Seeing the Tick in trouble, Arthur goes diving into battle. He collides with Superman, only to ricochet off of the man of steel. Superman is slightly distracted, and uses his heat vision to scorch Arthur like a…um, moth on a flame. Round Two goes to Superman.

Round Three:
Seeing his companion in trouble, the Tick gives a yell of “SPOON!” and leaps back into the fray. Catching Superman by surprise, he knocks Supes into his rock collection. Superman suddenly weakens, then falls. As it turns out, the Tick’s rock collection includes a complete set of Kryptonite (duh…you can’t have a Superman battle without bringing in the stuff). The Tick then KOs Superman. Round Three and the match goes to the Tick. Bert is foiled because evil is self-defeating, and everyone lives happily ever after.

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One Response to “The Tick versus Superman”

  1. kryptoniteman Says:

    why not have gold kryptonite in the collection

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