Elminster versus Gandalf
Elminster Aumar was born some centuries ago as the last prince of Athalantar. After his father was murdered, he went on a quest to free the land from the thrall of dozens of villainous wizards, which he did with the help of his teacher and his lover, Myrjala, who turned out to be the goddess of magic, Mystra. Elminster became one of her Chosen. He has been a fighter, a thief, a priest, and a mage, not to mention a woman. Among his numerous talents includes psionic power, regenerative ability granted by Mystra herself, and magic enough to obliterate a couple of worlds. Hailing from Middle Earth, Gandalf is one of the few wizards of power on that world. He possesses a magical sword, one of the three legendary rings that Sauron gave to the elves, and a very enigmatic attitude. Yet despite that, he is known to hobbits everywhere as “that old guy who puts on a nifty fireworks display.” Stupid hobbits…
A mage duel. Elminster and Gandalf face off against each other to see who is truly the greatest (forget Merlin; he got his ass kicked by Khelben Arunsun back at the start). They start off with pretty basic stuff. Gandalf pulls off fireworks and sleight of hand, while Elminster plays tricks with illusions. Since they’re both heavy smokers, they begin focusing on how creative they can be with their pipes. All sorts of smoke rings, et cetera et cetera. Eventually, Gandalf breaks the tie by making his pipe disappear and then pulling it out of Elminster’s ass. Round One goes to Gandalf.
Elminster does not take Gandalf’s joke well, and begins to show the old guy what’s where when it comes to combat spells. Gandalf holds his own for a little while, but is quickly overwhelmed by fireballs and meteor swarms. Gandalf’s own lightning bolts and flare attacks seem to be eaten up by Elminster’s magic and turned back on him. Eventually, Gandalf is reduced to running and ducking for cover, relying more on combat skills than on spell power. Round Two ends with Elminster definitely having the edge.
Feeling guilty about taking the joke so badly, Elminster starts to let up on our friend Gandalf. By this time Gandalf has hidden himself away nicely in the surrounding bushes. Thinking that the battle is still going on, he begins to taunt Elminster from various hiding spots a la The Hobbit. At first, Elminster refuses to play this game, then thinks, what the hell, it’s his funeral. He begins torching the bushes. Realizing once more than Gandalf cannot best the sage when it comes to magic, he pulls out his trusty sword. Leaping from the bushes, he lops Elminster’s head off. Not bad for an old man, eh? Guess Elminster should’ve kept in practice with his melee skills over the ages. Round Three and the match both go to Gandalf.