Here we have the 32 winners from the first bracket, fighting to achieve more glory and move one step closer to the championship.
Round One: Gregory House and James Wilson versus Sam Gamgee and Frodo Baggins
I will not turn this round into one big gay joke. I will not turn this round into one big gay joke. I will not turn this round into one big gay joke.
House takes a look at the two hobbits and decides that it would be fun to whack them around the hospital parking lot with his cane. Wilson tries to argue that doing so is against everything ethical, but House counters with the fact that Wilson regularly supports his wildly dangerous and unethical behavior, not to mention the many times that he himself has outright broken the law and performed morally repugnant acts such as sleeping with one of his terminally ill patients, lying to law enforcement, and spiking his best friend’s coffee with antidepressants. In the end, Wilson is forced to admit that yeah, hitting some hobbits around like golf balls does sound kinda fun.
What they lack in stature, however, the hobbits make up for in spirit. Plus, they’ve been to Mount Doom and back, so they’re hardened by battle. Sam and Frodo double up on House first, who they correctly assume to be the alpha of the group, and target his knees. House isn’t exactly a guy who can move quickly, and once the hobbits get underneath the reach of his cane, the doctor is out. Once House is dealt with, Wilson immediately backpedals and starts claiming that he was on the hobbits’ side all along. Sam and Frodo don’t buy it. Sam goes after Wilson with an iron pot, and Frodo wields House’s own cane like an oversized quarterstaff as the two friends beat Wilson to within an inch of his life.
Then they go back to the Shire and make mad, passionate love to one another. Damn it…I almost made it through the whole round. Winner: Sam Gamgee and Frodo Baggins.
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